"Aporia: At His Defence"

No more words, only a forgetting.

If only he didn't hurt me. If only i could stop this pain. Just one day without this pain. I'd give anything for that peace. He doesn't know. No one knows. I need to purge these emotions. I'm dying. He's killing me.

My head hurts. I can't help it.

I wish he loved me.

Why did he want to keep it from me? Why does he blame me? I'm really worthless to him. That's how he makes me feel. I can't even talk to him anymore. I'm in so much pain.

If only he'd tell me that he was sorry.

I can't go on like this. I'm not living. I dont remember what life feels like.

No matter what he says, he will always hurt me. That is all i see before me. I try to forget. I try to make things normal. Better. I try to forgive. It's eating at me. Inside out, i feel like i'm disappearing.

He doesn't love me. He doesn't love me. Why would he hurt me constantly like this if he did? He lies. I dont know anymore. Maybe this is all a nightmare. I keep telling myself that, hoping that i'd wake up. I'm hurting to much i can't stand it.

I love him. I love him. I can't go on. I'm not right now. Sanity is only a memory. He doesn't know, because he can't see pass himself. One day, he'll see. I pray.

How much longer till I reach the bottom of this endless pit?

Come find me, for I have lost my way.
  ¶ 5/30/2004 08:48:00 PM