"Death Be Swift"

I'm freezing in my bedroom.

Ben called me this morning while I was watching "Boys Don't Cry" in class. I missed his 1st call and he freaked out at me. I wish he wouldn't do that. I'm hurting so much from his blast of coldness. I don't want to seem pathetic. I'm struggling as it is to survive myself.

I hate people using me. I'm sorry I can't allow them to have power over me. Any power over me. I'm not that kind of person. I won't respond if I dont feel like it.

I'm young and depressed. It's not fair that i should feel this way. I want something concrete to be cured of, then maybe things will start to get better. They can only mask over the symptoms, drug me up so good that I'd be too weak, too confused to do anything about my misery. Too small and quiet to scream.

I'm so frustrated. I want someone to love me - more. Not much has to be done. Just dont hurt me. Just love me.
  ¶ 5/13/2004 05:35:00 PM