"Drowning In Dellusion"

I sit in my room and I know I’m slowing descending into some new madness. I’m don’t intend to stop myself this time. I being to feel the walls of my being cave in on me, engulfing me in a darkness that I can no longer describe. It’s hopeless this time. It has always been this way. I try not to struggle, but instead let nature take it’s course. It will be over soon. This spiral sinking will stop and the voices will cease. It always does. Eventually.

I never thought I’d be this way – a child of the borderline, bipolar era of dysfunctional families and just way too much fucked-up-ness for anyone to care or do anything about it. I’m sure people have tried to care. I’m sure that there are people out there still trying to do something about it. I can’t care. I would, if I could. If I could just pull myself out of this hellhole of pain and depression, I’d do so many things. I’d solve world hungry. I’d find a solution for world peace. I’d find a job and stop sponging off my parents.

Life was not always like this. I remember a better time, or at least that’s what I’m telling myself. In reality, it could have been just as true that these “better times” never existed at all.
  ¶ 5/13/2004 08:40:00 PM