"Little Black Book"

I almost went crazy at university today. I got off the bus and had this flood of thoughts that i could not purge or brush aside. I needed to write it out and get rid of it. I want the voices to stop.

I hate myself. I hate being this out of control. I spent the entire morning trying to convince myself that I looked okay. I had to tell myself that I was beautiful. I am. I know I am relatively gorgeous. I make heads turn when I walk down the street. Girls would kill to look like me, but I'm still afraid. I still hate the way I am. I hate the way people look at me and judge me. I hate my dyslexia. I hate who I am. Yet I love who I am. I dont want to be anyone else. I'm confused. I know that. You know that. It's obvious. No one has to point it out.
  ¶ 5/10/2004 06:52:00 PM