"Understanding My Pain"
I've been doing some soul searching.
I know i'm slowly losing my mind.
Bloodletting/ - , letting/ n.
1. Phlebotomy, the act or process of letting blooding or bleeding, as by opening a vein or artery.
2. Outmoded medical practice used as a cure for illnesses ranging from fevers to hysteria.
There is a silence around self injury. A close relatve of bulimia and anorexia, it is estimated that up to 1per cent of the population has intentionally harmed itself - yet, for the most part it is a behaviour that goes ignored or unspoken of. Even in the mental health profession, the condition is considered a taboo. Commonly dismissed as an act of attention seeking, that perception couldn't be futher from the truth.
I have an overwhelming desire to hurt myself. For the past twelve days, under a undesirable load of emotional pressure, i finally buckled. Suffering from sever chronic depression for a good part of my years, i never thought i'd ever truly hurt myself in the way that i have been indulging lately. It is abnormal and goes against the very law of self preservation. Already it has taken its toll on my relationships, be it through the ignorance or the sheer exhaustion from helping me deal with this difficult period in my life. I can't thank those involved enough for having brought me this far, while i'm going through this pain and for understanding and loving me.
The Blood Red site provides some explaination to my condition - I know i'm not the only one out there who is like this.
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What is Self-Injury?
Self Injury (SI) is a coping mechanism, just like smoking cigarettes, alcoholism, drug abuse, overeating, anorexia, bulimia, over-exercising, etc.
"Self-injury is a self-preservation technique for many cutters; the self-mutilation relieves anxiety and/or depersonalization symptoms which could lead to psychosis or suicide if not alleviated. Self-harm can be focusing, calming. It can give a person a feeling of control over their lives and their bodies which they have experienced no other way. People trying to help cutters should not try to take this coping mechanism away from the cutters without helping them first come to terms with things that trigger incidents and learning new, healthier coping mechanisms with which to replace the old ones."
"For many self-injurers, self-mutilation seems the only appropriate response to the state of the world and to how they're feeling about it and about themselves. Many self-injurers are extremely intelligent, sensitive, and creative people who have a hypersensitivity to the world around them."
Why do people Self-Injure?
It's relief through release. Most people Self-Injure to relieve some unpleasant emotion, ranging from anxiety to depression. "Studies have suggested that when people who self-injure get emotionally overwhelmed, an act of self-harm brings their levels of psychological and physiological tension and arousal back to a bearable baseline level almost immediately."
There are many speculations about why people Self-Injure. Some experts think the behavior stems form childhood trauma or abuse. However, statistics don't support this theory. The backgrounds of people that SI are varied, coming from both abusive and non-abusive households. People also cited the need to feel real among their reasons for self-injury. Hurting themselves makes them feel something, where they otherwise feel numb to the world around them. Another theory concerning people that SI is chemical:
"Just as it's suspected that the way the brain uses serotonin may play a role in depression, so scientists think that problems in the serotonin system may predispose some people to self-injury by making them tend to be more aggressive and impulsive than most people."
