"Netherworld"
This is not me. I hate this world. i hate everyone in it. i dont want to whine but i know i am and i know i have to. These thoughts can't stay inside of me forever.
I haven't cut myself lately. I guess that's generally good. He's away. The God is away. Yet i feel terrified. I'm alone. There's nothing to hold on to. It's nothing new. Mostly, I've been falling deeper everyday. At least i knew there was someone there, even if that entity was actively ignoring me.
Would it be a crime to confess that i feel a sense of peace, now that i know that i'm not being baited? Would it be a crime to say that his absence gives me a sense of freedom? but i am trapped. I've been held down and broken in. Domesticated and Dominated. There is only one road to true release and that path is one that i have promised not to follow for some time. A little white longer maybe. I dont know how much longer i can and have to hold on.
i hate my emotions. Illusions. I dont know what's real anymore. My mind plays tricks on me. Making me think that i know things. I hate it. I wish my brain was sucked out of me. I hate these voices.
I dont want to think. I dont want to hate. I just want to be at peace. Cotton up my ears. No more noise. Madness fuses up my body and soul. Nothing is real. Nothing will ever be real. Everything is dying.
Just leave me alone, like you've always done. I hate you. I hate me.
There is nothing new here.
You've always known that.
