"Melatonin"
Melatonin. It's suppose to make me sleep. What is this onset of this insomnia? A mania. I'm in mania. My mania. I'm caught up in here. Alone. Stone Cold. This is not a joke. I can't sleep and it's driving me insane. I'm broken on the inside. There is no fire here. Only me. Lost in a darkness.
Shiver. I'm dying. I've said that so often it's lost it's meaning. Dont take it too personally. It has nothing to do with you. Nothing can touch me. Nothing can make me happy. I've figured it out. I'm too far gone. Like a cancer eating me up. Do you hold me up so high that you can't see the cracks?
Onset. Offset. Onset. Offset.
I'm getting there. Sleepful surrender. I want to pass out in exhaustion. I want to sleep. It's just a bit closer to death. A will to stay sane? A will to stay away. Mania. Mania. I can't hold it back. Not tonight. I am weak tonight. Mania Mania. Hypermania. Manic. Depressant. Depress. Oppressed. Compressed. Obsessed. A pain inside. A broken glass inside. I can't take this anymore. I want out of this madness. A voice of reason. A function. A god. A goddess. You've held me up so high. I feel like i'm going to break even more.
The label said in 30 mins. Pop. Pop. Pop. ... one more pop. I can't do this anymore. Helpless. Taken over by something stronger then me. It's over. It's over. Mania. Mania. Mania.
Fucking hell... I must sound so insane. I can't hear anything now. Just the drone of the heater.
And then it hits me like a killer tsunami. I'm afraid of dying eventhough I want to find my peace in death. Nothing makes sense anymore. Hyper. Hypo. Hippo. Hello. No. Goodbye. Good Night. Good Day. Bad Day. Day Light. Night Light. Nonsense. Some sense. Brillance. Absence. Essence. Craze Sense. Offence. Defence. I dont know anymore. Just get me out of here. You've held me up so high.
If only i could fall away into a million peices. To be loved bit by bit. Do you even know me? Am i even here? It hurts inside. i want to fight it. It hurts deep inside. Mania. I'm hurting inside.
Asleep inside.
i'm afraid to be alone with myself.
