"The Depressed Girl"
I've come to meet alot of depressed people and i fear that i have not found anyone like me. Perhaps they could say the same. They willingly swallow down anti-depressants, lick their cuts and wounds, sit in the corner muttering under their breath and using anyone to make themselves feel better. Let them speak for themselves.
I don't. I live my life in my depression. It's my life. It's my lifestyle. I've come to accept that i am different and that the world is set up to tell me why my justifications are wrong. My duty to preserve myself, to save my life force is to look beyound these standards. I'm beautiful in my depression. I'm beautiful in the way i see through my darkness. No one can tell me that i'm wrong. They might groan and clutch their fists in frustration of/with me. Frustrated that i'm not like them. Frustrated that i'm not happy like them. Frustrated that i can't cope. Frustrated that they can't help me. Frustrated that they dont understand. I apologies for that. I apologies for all this pain, however, you're only frustrated because you can't empathise with me or look through my eyes.
In my depression... i'm afraid to say... the world looks rather dark and magickal. I'm like a soul trapped in the wrong body. Could you ever comprehend that? Why would you tell me that i've been mistaken. There are true miracles in this world. I'm not that special there are others who embrace this. Art has been created in depression. Can we not channel ourselves into the darkness. Switch the razors for paintbrushes. Switch the pills for poems. Stop telling me that it's wrong to want to kill myself. The thought consumes me. Sometimes it's even sick enough to make me laugh. The restrictions of society compell me to end my life. Stop these restrictions. Stop forcing me into a box i can no longer pack myself into. Be patient and love me. When my madness takes over, let me cry in your arms. Let me write you love songs or dance tragically. Just dont tell me what i'm feeling is irrational or inappropriate for that will surely drive me over the edge. Don't instituationalise me. Don't feed me medication. I'm just Beautifully Broken and hard to categories.
Dedicated to the depressed ones who have suffered, ODed and passed away
