Under the Noctilcalitic Moon
"I Love You"
I dont know what to do while you are gone from my heart. Deep inside i know I'll never let it fade. Happiness and Loneliness. A multitude of sanity and the tripping edge of reason's doubt. It's gone. Was here. Where am i now? Empty. I'm a step closer to you. I'm in love and i'm sinking till i drown.
"Getting High - An Entry"
I see the universe and I know that I am free from all doubt. Everything just is. My eye spins and I’m seeing nothing but a brief glimpse of the future. A flicker and touch of the reality that just lies beyond all of us. We are so small in our very being. I need to touch myself to know that I’m still here. My cat is my body and my body is my soul. My cat, myself, my love. Too slow for words. It’s going away. I need more but I can’t move on. I need to sleep. No I don’t. The sheets move a momentary too late for it to be in sync with my sensors. There’s something here in me. I can move and see if I dare. If I am brave enough to feel myself sucked whole into this being called humanity. I hate this feeling of going away. You don’t know me enough to judge the pain I’ve been through. I hate you. I hate you all. And if that’s not enough, I’ll be in the ditch tomorrow sponging off corpses of those that have gone before me. I must not go there. Not tonight. If I was cold, I’d be warmer. Warmer then I would be in your embrace. I love you. I’m sorry.
"Movements"
Phase 1: You're still here in my heart. I think of you when i've hit a low. I'm coming down. I laugh as I suck into myself a deadly need for comfort. Love me. Love me. I can't wait that long. It's all coming together. My want. My need. Pray you'll never know my deceit, my betrayal to myself.
Phase 2: You are my everything. My light. My tunnel to paradise. My beautiful beautiful lease to a new life. Away from the darkness. I'd hold on to you. Press myself against your thorns. I dont mind. I'll bleed for you if it made me closer to you
Phase 3: Your grace touches me like no other. Your innocence and sincerity quenches my darkness. I shiver at your touch. Your power moves me. I'm but a stain to your perfection. Hold me for a while longer. I'd let you go, but i'd fade without your embrace.
Phase 4: You're still here. You've always been here. Through the lies and the hate. The pain of my soul and body which you tortured with such glee to take back what you said i stole from you. Scars and stitches to remind me of the truth. I didn't nto deserve this pain. I still long for you.
Phase 5: My one true love. My darling. You'll stay for a while before you'd need to go. I'll take care of you till then.
"It's Here Inside"
It hurts that i cannot see you. There's so much i want to say but i can't.
I wish you were him. Him - the other.
In my dreams i wished you were him.
In my bed, i wished you were him.
You were him a while ago, just as you are here now. You. I love you. I still do.
Help me break these chains. Would you know that you are him if i called out your name? Your fears at rest finally. I'd stay. I'd stay. You'd pushed me away.
As the realities unfolded upon each other, I am reminded of my hopeless want. i cannot say what he has done to me or made me feel. For a brief moment, i need you here with me. To tell me what is true again.
I hate myself for these feelings, for i can't say no to my illusions and needs. I'll take it all back if i could but i know better then you to call out your name or to betray myself and that moment i had with you.
A fear inside. Take me away.
"My Castle"
Last night i dreamt of you again. Your smile, a certain sunshine in a bleak desolation. A grin to make me laugh. In the dream you said you've always liked me, as you stripped us down to our bearest skins, akindled with passion you held me close. I wish i could have stay there with you forever. Again, i'm bound to a surreality.
In hunger i clung onto the night, breathe in daylight like it was my poison. How many more lifetimes of this torture do i have to survive. An obsession that never ends. I need you. I want you. Take me away to a better place. Take me with you. I shall hide in silence. To be close to you was all i ever wanted. Wait... you've walked away.
Only in my dreams for now... i can't sleep without you.
"The First Day"
There's nothing i can say. I'm apart from you and i cannot touch you. But even in my walls of stone, the very flash of my throat betrays me, they have all been your spies, his spies. These feelings i cannot hide. I could drown them, one day when i get over the you i held in my fantasies.
Could someone kill this pain?
Are we just lying to ourselves?
I have no resolution, only an overwhelming sense of insecurities and need.
