Under the Noctilcalitic Moon
"The 4 (Harvard) Rules of Death"
Thou shall be totally unresponsive to stimulation, painful or otherwise
Thou shall fail to move for an hour and fail to breathe for 3 minutes after being removed from a ventilator
Thou shall have no reflexes
Thou shall register a flat electroencephalogram, indicating an absence of electrical activity in the cortex of the brain
"Summer Lane"
Sometimes i just want to run away from myself. You still dont get me. Will it be all worth it when i'm gone?
"Will The Real Master J Please Stand Up"
i just dont know what to say about us anymore. maybe there's nothing more to be done. i can't stay friends with you. i'm sorry. it's killing me. i dont and can't love you anymore and yet i'm putting so much effort into you and feeling like i'm being tossed around like a rag. i'm not your friends because i'm so different from your type of friends. I'm not your girlfriend because i'm just all wrong for you. I'm really in all honesty, nothing to you. maybe it's a good thing. it'll lighten both our burderns. Just remember that i have feelings to.
"Undecided Poison"
I want to leave this place for good. There's no point being here. You wont miss me until i'm truly gone and there's nothing more i care to tell you. I'm tired of living in your shadow. Please stop hurting me. Please take away this pain. There's something about me that turns the world to poison and draws the madness out of everyone. i want to die. this is no way to live. Overwhelming misery. Unrequired honesty. Steadfast i hold on to the hope that things will turn out right. Naive. Innocences. I'm falling to pieces. Drowning inside of you.
"Wanting"
I should have lied. I should have said no. I should have never picked up the phone. but how could i ever turn my back on you. Sweet pathetic blind fool. I'm better then you and yet i've returned to you.
I can't stand your games. I can't stand you! i hate it. I hate myself for being so weak and so small infront of you. Collapsing in your arms. I can't go on like this...
"3 Hours Away From You"
I should have sewed up my lips when i had the chance. What makes you think that i'm so weak as to let you know how i'd feel about everything and anyone. I'm dead to the world as it is to me. I'm gone forever. You've never known the real me. My skin pulled flat across the seven seas. I'm dead to you and you're dead to me. I'm crying from my veins. I'm dying inside out and crawling away from myself.
It's just something about you that rubs me the wrong way. I hate you. I hate you. Please just go away. I can't go on this way.
"All For You"
I'd give up everything for you in a second, if only you could let me hold on to you. Stop telling me these lies and confusing my thoughts with your childish behaviour. I dont know if i can keep up this charade much longer. I still love you but you're wearing me very thin. You made me realise that soulmates do exist and that i can believe in destiny once more. Be my hero. Be my lover. Hold me tight again before i forget everything. I'm afraid of you.
"Storm Cloud"
i woke up this morning with a storm cloud over my head. My feet were sore from broken glass and my eyes were caked with tears. Can anyone find a way out for me. Somewhere to hide away from the pain. Can someone please come and save me. Somone who could feel the same way as i do.
I tried to take a step into the sunlight but all i found was rain. It washed away blood but the pain still remained. Would i be able to survive another tomorrow. Alone and oh so insecure. Could someone try to understand i'm not just someone who's lost and lonely, in need of sympathy. I need saving...to be saved.
"Crux"
I've sliced up my veins to stop the pain crawling up inside me. Drown a preacher in my blood to wash away my sins again. I'm falling into madness. Buried alive. Crimson Curtains covering my eyes. I'm dying to get away from you.
Nail me to the wall and watch me as a wither away, as you throw everything at me. Strip my skin off bit by bit. I'm afraid to be this dressed around you. Feeling so small and alone, i swallow up my words once more to save us from embarrassment. I'd die for you, just to save you from you.
"Peices"
I can feel myself breaking. The cuts were shallow, but i can feel the cracks.
"You Used Me, I Hate You"
Eat up the dust and choke on your spit. I lie away from you. Closer to your heart where i draw my knife and sink it deep inside that beating heart of ice. Denial and Pain, without truth and honor. You're just a little lost boy with out any manners. Thank God i never liked you much but i still dont like it when someone trashes me. Can't you appreciate my empathy. You're so numbed out by your stupidity. You're so insecure about your soul. I can't help you. Never really wanted to. But it's only fair that you should've played nice and let me have my way because my cards were down faced open all around and you needed a friend to be there. I'm so tired of being your slave. I'm so tired of watching out for you. I can't build your stepping stones for you any longer. You're running towards the deep in. Collateral Damage. Insanity.
"Conceptions of Suicide"
Gigapoodle says:
how about
Gigapoodle says:
you go get aids
Gigapoodle says:
then we sex
Gigapoodle says:
then die
Sabriel - Dark Epic Drama Queen says:
very foucault
Sabriel - Dark Epic Drama Queen says:
but no
Gigapoodle says:
we'll speed the process of dying up though
Sabriel - Dark Epic Drama Queen says:
that's a pretty lame excuse to have sex with me you know
Gigapoodle says:
i'm just jookkkkkkig- i wouldn't want to have sex with you
Sabriel - Dark Epic Drama Queen says:
you do.. only if it leads to death
Gigapoodle says:
yeah that'd be an ok reason
Sabriel - Dark Epic Drama Queen says:
most men would agree with your logic
"Allegedly True"
It's true that a hobo walked up to me, on the street one day, looked at me squarely in the face and said, "God, you're beautiful." I never realised I was God.
It's true that my lovers have cried over the sheer magnitude of my glamour, held me tight in bed and begged me never to leave them. I never realised i was wanted.
It's true that a girl at university proclaimed me the most beautiful girl she's ever met, because she was so overwhelmed at how exotic i looked. I never realised i was exotic.
It's true that i have been scouted for fashion magazines and acting. I never realised i was talented.
It's true that i'm highly desired by men and turn heads as i walk through the crowd. I never reallised i was that interesting.
If it was the case that these statements are true, then why do i feel so cut up inside? Maybe it was all a dream. if so, then why are these scars so real? I'm all alone and i can't tell what's reality anymore. I think i'm going insane if i'm not already there.
"Neo Mac"
I'm so full of myself that i want to throw up. Egocentric. Machiavellian. I'm hurting all over but there's nothing but numbness. Broken glass in a broken mind. You can't save me. You dont know how. You're full of self doubt it's pathetic. You can't touch me. I'm too far gone for you.
"Maturation"
There are men who walk amongst foolish fawns. There are young banshees who do not know where to stick their breast. They are almost in their 20s and they act like 10th graders. I cannot stand their ignorance and stupidity.
I claim inadaptivity. I'm stuck in a trip called my life. For years, i've grown up amongst grown ups and people have said that i'm wise beyond my years. it's not hard to be when you're invited into a world of eternal metaphysics floating around you like a giant mobile library.
I just realise that i'm not like that. I'm hardly the average schmoe trying to make something of myself. It sounds so stuck up to say something like that but i'm ever so gifted. I just dont have the will to live. Life's a drag. My fable's a drag. I can't stand being around them. It's killing me.
"Not This Way"
If you hurt me i'll never let you go. A thousand pains for your thousand lies. There's nothing i care to hide from you because it's not worth the distress that you've put me through. I never liked you. I never loved you. Beneath me lies your guilt and shame. Stop chasing dreams when you have not even earned your wings. You're not even tall enough to meet me eye to eye. Lost little thing.
It's only forever. You can't change your genes. It's harsh but true. My Broken wings are tied up now. Can't see the right from the wrong. I'm hurting inside. I'll hate you always.
"Sex Kills the High"
I realise that this is true. Sex cheapens the music. Everything goes out on sync like low grade porn. I can't understand how this would be the case, but it's true. I feel it in my bones.
"Flattery and Fury"
It's amazing how you thought your sweet words would get to me. You're just a confused little man with so much more to learn. I was made to be adored. I have no empathy for your kind. You could sell your thousand lies to the same old people, the same old ears. Afraid to be hated. Hiding behind your conservative forces, afraid to expose your weaknesses. I will not be dragged down by you. My world may be dark and horrid, but it has it's glamour and my knights in shinning armour. Did you really think you could handle me? The darkness surrounds. We are all creatures in hiding here. Where will you go now, lost little man? Drunk on your own disgust, you're not one to judge me. I've sunk so low, away from you. Just to get away from you. Your normal exterior betrays your inner nature. If you were so speical, where have you been? There's nothing i care to know about you. There's nothing i care to say. There's love in the darkness. You're still so lost in the woods. I'm tired of you. Beyond the depts of hell and the heights of heaven, you've found me and i've found you. There's nothing more to read in to it. Mere mortals burnt by the mystical fire. As if you could see it. It's beyond you.
Your tongue hits me like a cold sharp knife. Your lies. Your transparent lies. You do not even have the strenght to make a choice. Your Lies. Your Dispicable Lies. You just want to be love by all, without the price, without the compromise.
"Let Go"
When you're with me, i'm tumbling into an abyss. I'm afraid of you. I'm not your punk rock princess, super model hollywood, queen of darkness, live wire riot girl, urban enchantress.
"Endless"
Lying in bed. The shadows still surround me. Looming over head. I know it'll all pass too. I'm missing part of me. I'm broken in to a thousand peices. You do make me feel like a freak. When the darkness envolpes me, you still make me feel home. The worst is always impendingly close. But still, i'm save at home having you share my pain, right beside me. It never feels right when you're not there. I dont think this is love.
In my heart, i can hear the chords. The blood rushes to my head yet again. There's nothing here but me alone with myself. I'm ok. He'll be here soon.
In the dim twilight, i can still find my way back home to you. Nothing's going to hurt me. I feel so small and alone. I can't say that i'm sorry just yet. There's so much pain that has become part of me. Lost in a cloud of nothing and anger. I hate myself. I can feel the life draining out of me, yet i know i'll get home some how back to you.
Held up so tight and thin, i feel frail in your presences. Deep inside there's a strenght between us that was once glorious and full. Has it all gone away? Am i just a empty shell. Marrow sucked out and dried. you holds me close and i can breathe again. Where are these invisible enemies that hide in the shallows? I see these lost souls wandering around. I feel so trapped in this madness. He takes me hand and i find my ground again.
People say things all the time. What's real now? Your endless stories about nothing. I am a flaw in the machanics. Industrial Dreaming. Lying here away from the truth. Reality bites at me hard and cold. I can't change my mind. Drowning away from you. Save me somehow. Save me now. It's not like i haven't been here before. Missing you. A growing hate. I'm so confused in this swirl of black and white. I wish i could collapes into a thousand peices and give it all away. Lost and lonely. In pain. In the wrong place. My desire to be this way is endless. You move in my mind like a ghost. Haunting me. Stalking me. I'm still alone. i just have with you beside me now. I'm afraid.
"Can I Change My Mind?"
Wrapped up in fur. Lost transmissions in the darkness. I'm happy to see you. Even if you were just using me, it would have been nice to know. Sometimes i forget myself and take others to the place i want to be the most. I hope you were happy for a couple of hours. It's hard to keep it all together when the world constantly flashes across your eyes. It's hard keeping the noise out. Most of the time i think i'm going insane. It's not fair to not know what to do with myself. I can't help this desire to exist in a certain time and space, without anything to hold on to. I could even go as far as to say that i'm afraid of myself. I wish you would understand. I wish i could want to take it all back, but it's not in my nature to feel that way. Picking myself up from the ashes, i know i was never made for you love, your respect. Bite me, taste me, chew me, spit me out. I'll be be your keeper of secrets. I will be your silence. I do not see an end to this. I'm trapped in my own darkness and so are you. You just haven't realised it yet. I'll save you if you'd let me. I could try.
